Yesterday marked my 19th birthday. It was the first birthday in a while that I spent with my entire family. Mom, Dad, Karen, Grandma. Since my birthday falls well into summer vacation, we’re usually split between China and the US. I have to thank quarantine for keeping us together this year.
I don’t usually attach much significance to my birthday. I do try to treat myself, and it’s a useful landmark to get friends together. Otherwise, I’m one day older than the past day, and I see no special reason for me to be happier or more celebratory than normal.
I wouldn’t say that birthdays aren’t special. They can be. Rather, I like to think that all days can be special, holiday or not. I had a habit of looking forward to “special” days — birthdays, Christmas, New Years. The day would come and I’d be disappointed if I didn’t feel strongly, like I’ve reached an important milestone or was in the midst of a fond memory. Nowadays, I realize that I don’t need to feel a certain way. Emotions are a finicky thing, and having expectations of them opens up more possibility for disappointment. There’s nothing inherently different between holidays and non-holidays. Once I’ve accepted that, I let go of expectation and can better accept the way each day unfolds.
My birthday this year was a pretty good day. The night before, I made myself a cake, which happened to be one of the best I’ve ever made. I followed Stella’s red velvet cake recipe from Bravetart, finished with cream cheese frosting. It was delightful. The cake turned out rich and firm, although it did not turn out red like expected. Usually I find frosting to be cloyingly sweet. The cream cheese frosting was a welcome departure, with just enough sweetness to balance out the tang.
I also roasted a chicken. My dad busted out an air-fryer as a special tool, after my last attempt at roasting a chicken turned out undercooked. The verdict was that my second attempt is much tastier than the first. Much safer to eat as well.
I had signed up for a Chinese dance masterclass that so happened to fall on my birthday. A teacher taught a Dunhuang dance combination from her Beijing living room. For the uninitiated, Dunhuang dance is inspired by cave paintings found in the Mogao caves. The caves hold a wealth of Buddhist art, spanning a thousand years. Many body and hand positions can be traced to Buddhist influences. This was my first time trying Dunhuang dance and it’s unlike anything I’ve tried before. The style demands a great deal of strength and balance to steady one-legged positions.
I went to bed around midnight feeling like I had learned something, and also content with the way I spent my day. Nothing too exciting, just a more intentional version of what a normal day looks like. I’d like to spend more days like this birthday, which is to say I’d like to spend more generally pleasant but not life-changing days doing things I like to do.
