Goodbye, hello, goodbye, hello again: Home

In the past year, I’ve called Herndon, Kunming, and Yilan, Taiwan my home. I have lived in Herndon for six years, Kunming for four months, Yilan for three weeks. These places span countries and continents, and are distinct from one another in character and culture, but I’ve found a sense of belonging in each of them. 

On March 18th I returned home. My Herndon, Virginia one. My family welcomed me with dumplings. I ate at the kitchen counter. My mom, dad, grandma, and little sister ate at the kitchen table. I hauled my luggage to the guest room, where I would closet myself for 14 days in self-imposed corona exile. My days were spent reading, catching up with friends (so much easier when we are all in the same time zone), and, most of all, thinking about the past year.

I’m really bad at goodbyes. I always expect them to be more significant than they are. In the end, I taste a cloying disappointment when life goes on normally, without the people who were just recently a part of normal life. At the San Francisco airport, friends I spent the past six and a half months with boarded their return flights, one after another. To Newark, San Diego, Atlanta, Houston. Everyone left with a hug and a “we’ll see each other again in six months”. I rummaged my mind to find something of interest or importance to say, something that will last through those six months. Eventually, I gave up. There’s a 100% chance we see each other in college next year, and what needs to be said will come up naturally. Right now, it was “see you later”. 

We left Yilan, Taiwan on a dime’s drop, which is to say abruptly and sharply. All of Princeton’s Bridge Year programs were cancelled, two and a half months early, because of coronavirus. We had less than a week to say goodbye to the city. I spent my last weekend cruising around Luodong with my homestay parents, eating every item on my bucket list, going home extremely full and content. I watched anime and Taiwanese opera videos with my homestay siblings, then woke up for one final group day, then one final work day. We had only been in Yilan for three weeks. A short time in the grand scheme of things, but the town was extremely welcoming and I wanted to say goodbye properly. Not as a harsh, final thing, but as an open-ended, let’s keep in touch, I’ll be back. Because I will be. I will be back in Taiwan, it’s just a matter of time and circumstance.

I can say the same about Kunming. We had an even shorter amount of time – one day – to assemble our belongings and say goodbye to our homestay families. There was more uncertainty. My last day, I ate lunch with my homestay parents and little sister MiaoMiao. Over sweet and sour spare ribs and julliard salad, products of the spare time that comes with self-quarantine, we said uncertain goodbyes. We didn’t know how the coronavirus would pan out, or if I could return home to Kunming before the program ended. Either way, my homestay family were cheerful and confident that we’d see each other again. I reassured them that I would be back. 

The last night before we departed Kunming for Taiwan, I slept on the window ledge of our twelfth-story program house. That last night, I fell asleep gazing into the cityscape. I felt close and intimate with Kunming, like I was cuddling with a well-worn lover, feeling vertigo and dizziness and above all a sense of comfort.  

That’s the comforting thing about home, you know you’ll always find a way back.

Christmas in Kunming

This is the second Christmas I celebrated in China. My family doesn’t really celebrate Christmas seriously back in the states; we’re all atheist, so Christmas assumes a cultural role more than a religious one. We *might* set up a Christmas tree that doesn’t come down until March. That’s the extent of our Christmas traditions.

My homestay family does not celebrate Christmas to the same extent. Besides a cheery acknowledgment of my “Merry Christmas!” greeting, the day passed by like any other. Shops are keener to take on Christmas than any family. There are light Christmas decorations sprinkled throughout malls, bakeries advertise cute, seasonal snowman cakes and Santa Klaus breads, and two-for-the-price-of-one snow globes twinkle and wink at shoppers. 

In Kunming, there was a tradition for townspeople to spray one another with fake snow and hold spontaneous rubber hammer fights on Christmas Eve. A few years ago the police cracked down on fake snow and rubber hammers. The streets were quiet yesterday. 

My classmates and I prepared a Christmas Eve dinner together. It was the best Christmas dinner I had. Flaky spring onion pancakes, washed down with rich pumpkin stew. Roasted chicken and vegetables, baked mac & cheese, and veggie lasagna. There was also a Salvadorian corn flour pancake with cheese tucked into its belly, enjoyed with tomato sauce, that I forgot the name of. I and my stomach were impressed with the spread of Christmas foods. It was a little slice of home. Side note: I wanted to contribute sugar cookies but forgot to thaw the butter from the freezer. So no sugar cookies. Womp-womp.

We exchanged Secret Santa gifts — I bought antlers hair pins, a snow globe, and made a Christmas collage card for Jesse. I snipped the Christmas-themed images from a noodle shop advertisement. The white rabbit candy wrappers … I bet you can guess who ate the candies!

My original intention with the collage was to capture the feeling of celebrating Christmas away from home. Chinese Christmas, while retaining a lot of the same jolly symbols, is set in a separate cultural backdrop that shapes Western customs into something unique. When I finished, I looked at the haphazard clutter of images and felt like I was beginning to understand something. 

This gap year is the first time I’ve been away from my family. I find myself clinging, proudly and tightly, to reminders of home. Pizza, for one. Christmas, for another. The irony is that I don’t even like pizza that much. I’d eat it if it was the only thing available during lunch at a Saturday quiz bowl tournament, but never from my own initiative. I never liked Christmas that much either. Past the beautiful Christmas lights and Christmas trees is the ugly shadow of Christmas consumerism. But I still find myself craving pizza, celebrating Christmas to a fault.

In new places, the familiar is comforting. Maybe pizza and Christmas are a part of my identity. Maybe I am more American than I thought. Lingering thoughts.

Not to make you think my Christmas was heavy. Well the food was heavy, but my mood was definitely not. Ben gave me the squishiest avocado pillow, a cute plushie, and a light pink scarf. I watched my first ever Star Wars movie, in an empty theatre at midnight. I called Fred. I stayed up until 4:30 in the morning, giggling and playing cards with Ben and Jesus. The holiday season always has a way of making me feel light, excited, and wistful.

First Post

Hello & welcome!

I am writing this from Kunming, city in Southwest China, also known as city of eternal spring. Ha! It is the middle of winter and I’m freezing my butt off (& enjoying most seconds of it, I should add).

I will be in Kunming until the end of April, in China until the end of May. In June, it’ll be back to Washington DC, although I don’t know for how long. I imagine this year will be one of great learning & personal growth – what better time to start documenting? I can’t outsource my life to someone else. Thus, the birth of a blog: my blog!